


Like & Subscribe

by cedarbranch



Series: Athenaeum Verse [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Hijinks & Shenanigans, Internet Famous, Multi, Slice of Life, TikTok, YouTuber Melanie King
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24616054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cedarbranch/pseuds/cedarbranch
Summary: Melanie is YouTube famous. Tim is TikTok famous. Obviously, this means they should collab.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Melanie King & Tim Stoker, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Athenaeum Verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769314
Comments: 33
Kudos: 191





	Like & Subscribe

**Author's Note:**

> this is set in a pre-existing series, but it can be read as a standalone!
> 
> that being said, it is PURE NONSENSE. also, there's bits of gerrymichael, jonmartin, and daisira in here bc i'm gay and self-indulgent, don't say i didn't warn you

Melanie taps her pencil idly against her notebook. 

The page is covered in bullet points and scribbled ideas, half of which have been scratched out. Some of them are decent, but they’re just not _speaking_ to her, and this needs to be special.

Behind her, the tapping of Georgie’s laptop keyboard ceases. “You all right?” she asks. 

“Yeah,” Melanie says distractedly. “I still don’t know what I’m going to do for my million subscriber count video, none of this feels right.”

There’s a _click_ as Georgie closes her laptop. “Well, you have some time to think it over,” she says. “You’re not quite there yet.”

“Yeah, but I will be soon, and I want to have a plan ready. I want to make it a proper celebration, y’know?” Melanie sighs, running a hand through her hair. “I just… I’ve had this channel since I was in secondary school, and this milestone is something I’ve been dreaming about for ages. I can’t just let it pass without doing something special for it.”

Georgie slips out of bed. She comes and leans over Melanie’s shoulder, reading through the concepts she’s half-heartedly written up. “Oh, that’s not bad,” she says, pointing at one of them. “You should totally do something about a campus ghost, that’d be so much fun!”

“I’ve already _done_ that, though,” Melanie groans. “It just feels derivative.”

“So?” Georgie kisses her cheek. “Most ghost stories are derivative anyway, but you always find a new way to spin it. I think you could pull it off.”

“We only have the one campus ghost story,” Melanie points out. “There’s nothing _to_ spin.” 

“Hmm.” Georgie purses her lips. She knows how Melanie feels about making things up, and shares the sentiment. “Fair point,” she finally says. “But I still like the idea of doing something on campus. I think people might like to see a bit more of who you are.”

Melanie snorts. “I don’t know if I’m quite famous enough for people to care about my personal life.”

“Of course you are! Did you even read the comments after that episode I was in?” Georgie laughs. “And that was before we were even together! People want to know more about you, trust me.”

Melanie half-smiles. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

“That’s my girl.” 

Georgie leans in, and Melanie sets her pen down to cup Georgie’s face in her hands and kiss her. 

“Thanks,” she whispers.

Georgie smiles against her lips. “Anytime.”

***

Melanie pushes the button for the fourth floor and steps back, waiting as the elevator zooms upwards. The top floor is the best place to study—not as many people go up there, so it’s always quiet, and she can find a secluded place to study that’s all her own. She steps out and walks all the way down to the end of the shelves, her footsteps breaking through the silence. The corners are the best places to set up camp; the desks there have a little more table space, and… 

And the closest one is taken by none other than Tim Stoker, who’s standing with his back turned to her. He’s dancing to music that Melanie can’t hear. She covers her mouth with her hand to stifle a laugh. Tim rolls his hips, turning around in a circle—as soon as he turns, his eyes lock on Melanie, and he jumps, clutching his chest. 

“Melanie!” he says, stumbling back a step. “Jesus Christ, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I didn’t even know you were here,” Melanie says, fighting to keep a straight face. “What… are you doing, exactly?”

“Nothing,” Tim says. Melanie raises an eyebrow. He sighs. “I’m making a video. Someone tagged me in it… I _thought_ there was nobody else here.” He gives her a look, and Melanie smirks. 

“So you can show off your moves to the entire internet, but not your real-life friends, is that it?”

“Pretty much,” Tim admits. “You get it, though. You’re just about the only one who wouldn’t make fun of me for this. You know what it’s like to sacrifice your dignity for the views.”

“Speak for yourself,” says Melanie. She walks over and drops her backpack onto the desk beside Tim. “How many views have you been getting lately, anyway?”

Tim rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, Mels. This isn’t a dick measuring contest, you know it’s nowhere near what your stuff gets—”

“Don’t call me Mels,” Melanie says, glaring at him. “And I’m not trying to flex, I was just wondering.”

“I know, I know, I’m kidding. And you know I don’t actually care about the views, anyway. I’m not out here publicly embarrassing myself for the clout alone.”

“No, you just like having it,” Melanie deadpans. 

“Touche.” Tim grabs his phone from the shelf where he’d propped it up and takes a seat. “What about you?” he says, tapping at his screen. “Have you hit a million subs yet?”

Melanie sighs and drops into the next seat over. “No. I probably will soon, though. I’ve been thinking about it a lot… I want to do something special for it, like make some kind of video, something big, something I’ve never done before.” 

“Sounds great,” says Tim. “What’s the plan?”

Melanie laughs ruefully. “I don’t have one yet. I’ve been trying to brainstorm for days, but nothing’s really stuck out to me. I was thinking I might do something on campus, get a little more personal with it, but… I don’t know, that might be stupid.” She reaches into her backpack and takes out her laptop, setting it up on the desk. Tim watches her, grinning. Melanie knows that look—it’s his troublemaker look. 

“What?” she asks.

“You know what I’m hearing?” Tim says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“What?” Melanie repeats. 

“We should collab.”

Melanie laughs, opening up the webpage for her readings. “Oh, come off it. We’re not even on the same platform.” She waits for Tim to laugh or make a witty comeback, but he doesn’t say anything. “Wait, you’re serious?” 

“Why not?” says Tim. “It’d be fun! People don’t just watch things on one single platform, you know. I’m sure there’s some overlap in our audiences.” Melanie hesitates, and Tim spins around in his desk chair, rolling closer to her. “You’re thinking about this all wrong,” he explains. “It doesn’t have to be bold and dramatic. It can just be fun. And what’s more fun than hunting ghosts with your best pal, Tim?”

Melanie pauses. He might have a point.

“Okay,” she says. “What would we do, though?”

Tim shrugs. “You tell me. You’re the ghost hunter. Find some ghosts, and let’s get busting.”

“Please never say that again.”

***

Tim lays across the floor, scrolling idly through his phone. Melanie’s tempted to sneak a photo of his double chin and send it to the group chat, but she’s busy. She adjusts her ring light so it doesn’t cast shadows across her face, and angles the camera up. “I’ll be ready for you in just a sec,” she says. From the floor, Tim gives her a thumbs up.

Melanie inhales deeply, digging down for the YouTuber energy buried somewhere inside her, and hits record.

“Hey everyone! Welcome to Ghost Hunt UK,” she says with a smile. “I’m your host, Melanie King, and I’m going to be taking you on a very special trip today.” Nope. That intonation was all wrong. She’s not exactly peppy by nature, but she’s got to be a little more upbeat than that. She starts over, and manages to get halfway through her opening spiel before she slips up and repeats herself.

“You’re like a different person when you do this,” Tim observes from the floor.

“Shut up,” says Melanie. Self-consciousness will only get in the way of finding the perfect take.

Eventually, she gets it: “I wanted to do something a little different to say thank you for one million subscribers, so today, we’re going to be hunting through my own university,” she says. “And we’ve got a special guest!”

She’ll edit this jump-cut in post, but for now, she motions for Tim to come and join her. He hops into the second chair she’s set up. “Hello!” he says, waving to the camera. 

“This is my friend Tim,” she says. “Some of you might also know him from TikTok. He’s going to be joining me on our little adventure.”

“And what an adventure it will be,” Tim adds, grinning. He pauses for a moment, then asks, “What exactly are we doing, again? You never really said.”

Melanie will edit this out, too. “We’re going to hunt around in the library,” she says. “I’m going to get Georgie to run around in a ghost costume at the end. It’s just a bit of a spoof.”

Tim laughs. “I love it.”

“I thought you might. Now, let’s go find some ghosts, shall we?”

Melanie turns the camera off and packs it up into her bag. Tim takes the EMF reader and some of her other props, and they hike over to the library. Campus is dark and shadowy—it’s close to midnight, the perfect hour for ghost hunting—but at least it’s not too cold, and there’s no one around to give them weird looks as they carry their equipment across the main green. 

“Are we allowed to do this?” Tim asks as they go up the steps to the library. 

Melanie shrugs. “Don’t see why not. And even if we aren’t, it’s not like there’s anyone to catch us.”

“What about the people studying in the library?”

“We’ll be quiet. Hopefully we can find a floor that’s not too busy.”

They go inside and head straight for the elevator, which brings them up to the second floor. A quick loop around the stacks reveals too many people for Melanie’s tastes, so they go up to the third floor. There are a few students tucked away in the desks, but it’s better. Just to get the lay of the land, they try the fourth floor, and that’s the golden ticket; Melanie spots a couple of people in the far corners, but otherwise, it’s empty.

She shrugs her backpack off her shoulders. “So, here’s what we’ll do,” she says. “We can take turns being cameraman. I want to play it pretty straight, so we won’t make anything up, not right now. I mean, if we happen to come across any actual cold spots or funny readings, feel free to ham it up, but don’t go acting like you’ve seen anything if you haven’t.”

Tim gives her a little salute.

“Hopefully we can get most of our B-roll tonight, get that out of the way,” says Melanie, checking the settings on her camera. “And then we’ll get more of the juicy stuff with Georgie on Friday night. Sound good? Oh, and try to keep the swearing to a minimum—I can just censor it if you do, but it’ll save me the time editing if you don’t.”

“Right you are, boss,” Tim says with a grin. He flips the EMF meter up into the air and catches it again. 

“Don’t break that, it was expensive.”

They walk around the stacks for a while, Tim filming Melanie as she narrates the history of the building and checks all her sensors. They find a cold spot in one corner—which is probably just the aircon, but Melanie’s not going to point that out—and aside from that, there isn’t much to do. Melanie takes over the camera after a while to get some B-roll clips of the desks and study corners, as well as some jokey clips of Tim creeping around or dancing through the shelves. 

As he’s walking David Byrne-style down one of the aisles, he freezes. 

“Melanie,” he whispers. “Melanie, I’ve got something.” He fiddles with the EMF reader. Melanie moves in closer, keeping the camera steady, and zooms in on his face. “Oh, this is proper spooky stuff right here,” he says, delighted. “Come on, come on! Follow me!” He motions for her to follow. Melanie zooms out, taking care to keep him in frame.

Tim’s excitement is palpable. This video is intended to be a spoof, but Melanie’s heart speeds up of its own accord. Maybe they will find something worth watching. As they sneak down the aisle, she can almost hear a faint rustling, like a spirit dragging its draped clothing across the floor, or— 

Tim claps a hand over his mouth. Melanie looks up at him, her heart pounding—what did he see? 

Except, he’s not shocked. He’s not staring in mute horror. He _is_ trying very, very hard to conceal his laughter, and not doing a good job of it. 

Melanie turns to look around the corner, moving the camera with her, and—oh, Jesus Christ. 

It’s not a fucking _ghost._ It’s a couple of students snogging against a bookshelf. They’re really fucking going at it, considering they haven’t even noticed Tim yet, and Melanie really should turn the camera off, but all of a sudden it sinks in how unfortunately fucking hilarious this is, and before she can stop it, a snort of laughter slips out.

The blond one that’s pinned to the shelf freezes. He shifts to look around his partner, and makes direct eye contact with Melanie. 

“I’m so sorry,” she says hastily. The other one whips around at the sound of her voice, and oh, Jesus, that’s definitely— 

“Oh shit,” says a wide-eyed Gerry Delano. 

Tim falls back into a shelf, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter. “I am so fucking sorry,” says Melanie. God, this is mortifying for everyone involved. Her face is flaming, but now that she’s recognized the blond one as Gerry’s boyfriend, Michael, he’s clearly recognized her back, and he’s gone firetruck red. He and Gerry scoot away from each other in unison.

“ _I’m_ sorry,” Gerry says, looking steadily at the floor. “Look, let’s just forget this ever happened—wait.” He glances up, and his expression flashes from embarrassment to anger in an instant. “Is that a fucking camera?” he demands. “What the hell, Melanie!”

“Sorry!” Melanie squeaks. “Sorry, agh, we were just filming a YouTube thing, I didn’t mean to—”

“No no no,” Michael says in a rush. “I-It’s our fault, it’s fine, we really shouldn’t have been—”

“If you post that online I will fucking kill you,” Gerry threatens. 

“I’ll blur your face out,” Melanie promises. Tim snorts. 

“Melanie, I’m in a fucking band! You can’t just—”

“Free publicity,” Tim wheezes. Melanie smacks him hard, and he collapses into laughter once again.

“I won’t post it,” she says. “I promise. We can just…”

“Forget about it,” says Gerry.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“Good,” she repeats. “Okay.”

She clicks the camera off and backs down the aisle as fast as she possibly can. Tim catches up with her and opens his mouth, but Melanie cuts him off with, “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t.”

“What?” he protests. “I was just going to ask if we’re going to keep filming!”

“No, I think we’re done for the night,” Melanie says, her cheeks still burning hot. “Maybe I can get something better with Georgie on Friday.” She’ll have to delete most of that footage, maybe all of it—the whole thing’s tainted with secondhand embarrassment now. She might not even be able to watch the B-roll clips without cringing.

Melanie packs her camera away and heads to the elevator with Tim. “Is it too much to ask for people to stop being gay for five seconds in this fucking library?” she asks morosely as the door hisses shut.

Tim grins. “You know, there’s a saying about people in glass houses.”

“Excuse you,” Melanie says. “I’m a distinguished lesbian. I have self control. I do not mack on girls in public.”

“Oh, please,” Tim scoffs. “Basira is a distinguished lesbian. You’re a disaster.”

“Takes one to know one,” says Melanie, lightly punching him in the shoulder.

As they’re ribbing on each other, she starts to relax again, and things feel like they might be okay. She can film the rest of the video another time; there’s no rush. And besides, she’s gotten a great story out of this. 

Next time will be better—she’s certain of it.

***

“I feel fucking ridiculous,” says Georgie. 

“Don’t worry, you look hot,” says Melanie, checking the battery on her camera.

“ _Melanie._ ”

“What?” Melanie says with a grin. “You make it work, babe.” She can’t see Georgie underneath the white sheet that’s draped over her head, but she can feel the force of her glare. 

Georgie flaps her arms, making the sheet billow around her. “So am I just going to… run around?”

“Yep,” says Melanie. She trains the camera on Georgie. “Go for it. Show me what you’ve got. Can you make a little,” she wiggles her fingers, “ _woooo_ sound effect, too?”

“You’re terrible,” says Georgie. 

“That doesn’t sound like a ghostly _woooo_ to me. Try harder.”

Georgie sighs. “If I woo for you, will you get me a chocolate muffin tomorrow morning?”

“Oh, gladly.”

Georgie wanders down the aisle, waving her arms beneath the sheet with a halfhearted _wooo._ “Boo, you whore!” Melanie yells.

“Melanie, we’re in a _library!_ ” Georgie hisses. 

“So? There’s nobody in here! Keep being ghostly.” Melanie moves in closer with the camera. Georgie wiggles around in the sheet. “Perfect,” says Melanie, holding back a giggle. “Absolutely perfect, keep that up.”

“Only if you can catch me,” Georgie says, and goes tearing off down the hall.

“Hey!” Melanie chases after her. This footage is going to be shaky as all hell, but that might add to the aesthetic. Georgie is a blur of spooky white sheets. She very nearly crashes into a bookshelf, dodging it at the last second. Melanie bursts out laughing. “Can you see anything in that?” 

“Barely,” Georgie admits, and slows down, bending over to catch her breath. Melanie catches up with her.

“And here we have it, folks,” she says, zooming in on Georgie’s cloaked figure. “The great spirit herself. I’ve worn her out.”

“That you have,” says Georgie, and pulls the sheet off her head. Her hair is all mussed out of place. “Can we go home now?”

Melanie weighs it over. “Can we get one more shot?” she says reluctantly. “I think we’re almost done.”

“I should hope so. The library’s going to close soon,” says Georgie. “I don’t want to be anywhere near here when that bell goes off.” 

The library’s closing alarm goes off at three. Melanie’s never stuck around long enough to hear it herself, but based on what she’s heard from Jon, it’s loud and incredibly jarring. That’s probably the point, to physically force any remaining students out. God knows Jon would spend entire nights working in some back room if there was nothing compelling him to leave. 

“Okay,” says Melanie, checking the time on her phone. They have about ten minutes left. “I’ll make you a deal. We’ll do one more shot, two takes, tops, and then we’ll get out of here.” She’s already gotten enough spare footage with Tim, and it’s getting late enough that anything they film now might end up sloppy. They can afford to cut a few corners.

Georgie throws the sheet back on. “I expect compensation for this,” she informs Melanie. “My labor will not be exploited for internet clout.”

“Oh, I think we could arrange something,” Melanie says, wiggling her eyebrows. Georgie thwaps the sheet against her shoulder.

“Don’t you start with me,” she says. “This outfit? This is not sexy. You are not going to try to make this sexy.”

Melanie laughs. “But you’re always—”

“Not in a goddamn ghost sheet I’m not. Now hurry up and get your footage before I decide I’d rather just kiss you.”

Now that’s a tempting offer. But Melanie _did_ come here for a reason, and besides, they can always get to that afterwards. She looks around, scanning the area for any new spots to film. “Let’s go over by the desks,” she says. “I can get a shot of you lurking in the corner.”

Georgie runs off toward the desks. Melanie films her as she goes. She waves her sheet around, dashing between shelves, but stops short once she reaches the corner where the desks are tucked away.

“You okay?” Melanie calls after her. 

Georgie flaps the sheet at her. “Shhh!” she whispers. “Come here, quick!”

Melanie hurries over, camera at the ready. 

Georgie lifts her sheet up, smiling widely. “Isn’t that the cutest fucking thing?” she asks. Melanie turns.

She doesn’t know what she expects to see, but it’s not Jon passed out over a desk, with Martin fast asleep against his shoulder. They’ve dragged their chairs together, and Martin’s arm is half-thrown around Jon. 

“Oh my God,” Melanie whispers. “He’s dragged Martin into his horrible sleep habits. It’s all over now.” She slowly zooms in on Jon. His glasses are lopsided where his face is pressed against the desk. It doesn’t look particularly comfortable, but his breathing is soft and slow, and in sleep, he looks more content than he ever does when he’s awake. 

“Shh,” Georgie breathes. “You’ll wake them up.”

“We have to wake them up anyway,” Melanie points out. “Otherwise the alarm will.”

“Okay, fair enough. It is pretty adorable, though, you have to admit.” 

“It’s sickening.”

“It is not!”

Melanie grins. “Fine, it is pretty cute. Do you want to wake them up, or should I?”

“I can do it.” Georgie hands Melanie her sheet and leans over, placing a hand on Martin’s back. “Hey,” she says softly. “Martin. Wake up, it’s time to go home.” Martin doesn’t move. Georgie gives him a gentle shake. “Martin,” she repeats.

Martin shifts, sinking further into Jon’s side—then he goes still. He sits up all at once. “Good morning,” Melanie says, amused. 

“Melanie?” Martin says blearily. “I—oh, God.” He looks around, rubbing at his eyes. “Shit. I fell asleep, didn’t I?” He groans. “I was supposed to get Jon to come home before he passed out.”

“Failed step one,” says Melanie. She pokes Jon in the back of the head. There’s no response, so she kicks the back of his chair, and he startles violently. 

“Was that really necessary?” Georgie says reproachfully. 

“Sorry.”

“Hey,” Martin says to Jon. “I guess we both fell asleep. We should probably get going.” He looks up at Melanie. “What time is it, by the way?”

Melanie checks her phone. “2:55,” she says. Jon’s eyes go wide with panic.

“Shit,” he says, scrambling for his bag. “The alarm!”

“Exactly,” says Georgie. “Let’s get out of here while we still have functioning eardrums.”

Melanie clicks her camera off and packs it away, and the four of them race for the elevator.

***

Melanie is in a groove. There’s barely anyone around the library tonight, which means no self-conscious urge to check her volume or look around for spectators, and she’s easily slipped deep into her film persona. She’s barely written out a script for tonight’s filming, but so far she’s been able to improv through it effortlessly. Every time she makes a joke, Georgie has to stifle laughter from behind the camera, and it makes Melanie’s heart stutter. 

She brushes her hair back and inhales deeply, trying to shoo away the warm and fuzzy affection that’s blanketing her brain. “Okay,” she says. “Let’s go down a floor and check the lobby for cold spots.”

“Yes, ma’am,” says Georgie. Melanie grabs her hand as they head downstairs, taken by a sudden surge of affection. Not everyone would be willing to help her out with a silly little project for a ghost hunting YouTube channel. But Georgie is Georgie, and as much as she complains, Melanie knows she’s not just doing it as a favor—she enjoys this stuff just as much as Melanie does.

God, Melanie has such good taste in women. 

They get all the footage they need in the lobby. The video as a whole still feels a little thin to Melanie, like it has something missing, but it’s shaping up well, and she’ll take the good things when they come. She clicks back through the camera reel, letting a few of the clips play. Georgie watches over her shoulder.

“Hang on,” she says, touching Melanie’s wrist where she’s holding the camera. “What was that one?”

“What?”

“That clip, play it again,” she says. Melanie dutifully plays it back. She tries to tune out her own narration as best she can; hearing her own unedited voice is a nightmare.

Georgie points to the screen. “There, right there!” She giggles. “Oh, lord. Are we going to keep that in, do you think?”

The “that” she’s referring to is a couple of girls in the background of the shot. One has gotten up from the table, and she leans over to kiss the other, just long enough that it would be awkward to include in the final cut. If the girls were trying to make it a casual peck, they failed. 

Melanie rolls her eyes. “Some people,” she says.

Georgie snorts. “Yes. Some people that we _know_.”

Melanie does a double take. 

Sure enough, now that she knows what she’s looking for, the two girls are quite obviously Daisy and Basira. 

“Oh my _God,_ ” Melanie groans. “This is a curse. This is literally a fucking curse, there’s no other explanation. Every single time I film in this goddamn library, there’s _always_ someone who decides to get their PDA on—”

Georgie giggles. “It’s just one shot, Melanie, you’ll be able to edit it out.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m just saying—this is ridiculous! I’m cursed!” 

“We could always go and have a word with them, if you feel so strongly about it,” Georgie says with a grin. “It’s only been a few minutes, I bet they’re still there.”

“Tempting, but I’ll have to pass,” says Melanie, clicking through more of her clips. “I still feel like… I dunno, like we have to do something more with all this. Spice it up. I don’t know _how_ yet, but all we can do is keep filming and hope it comes to us, really.”

“You could make it about the gay library curse,” Georgie jokes. “You’ve already got enough footage for it.”

Melanie smiles to herself. “Sure, sure. There’s a poltergeist haunting the stacks, it turns everyone in the area gay.”

“It’s an old historical figure that’s mad about its sexuality being erased by modern academia,” Georgie says wisely. “So it tries to make everyone see it in a way they can’t ignore.”

Melanie laughs. “Okay, that’s actually pretty good.”

“You should do it!” Georgie says enthusiastically. “We could go ask Daisy and Basira to get involved, it’d be fun!”

Melanie raises an eyebrow. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah, why not? I’m sure they’d like to have a break from their homework.”

“I guess,” Melanie concedes. “But then I’d have to re-record a bunch of footage…”

Georgie grabs her hand. “I will personally help you with any re-recording you need. I was joking for a second, but now that this idea’s come into my head, you have to do it, it’s too legendary to pass up. I bet Tim would help, too.”

“He’d better, this entire thing was billed as a collab,” says Melanie. She’s already turning it over in her mind. The new idea would work just as well for a collaboration with him—if not better, since he’s another outspoken queer figure online. It’s kind of silly for her channel, but it was going to be a silly video anyway, and at least this way, it would have some sort of justification. It could give her a chance to show a bit more of her personal life, and her sense of humor when she’s not focusing on ghostly content.

It could be perfect.

“Plus, it’s pride month,” Georgie adds. 

Melanie turns the camera off. “Okay, you win,” she says, grinning. “Let’s go find them. But I have to do something else first, if we’re going to use any of the footage we already have.” She pulls out her phone and goes straight to her favorite contacts. Normally, she hates making phone calls, but Jon is an old man and there’s no way he’ll see it if she texts him at this time of night. 

He picks up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Evening, Jon,” Melanie says breezily. “Are you in your room, by any chance?”

“Yes, why?” 

“Is Gerry there?” 

There’s a long pause. “Yes,” Jon says slowly. “Wh—” 

“Lovely,” Melanie says brightly. “Can you put him on the phone, please? I want to ruin his image on the internet.”

“O...kay,” says Jon. There’s a minute of silence on the line, then Gerry says, “Hello?”

“Gerry! This is Melanie King. There’s literally no way to phrase this that’s not awkward, so I’ll just ask—do you remember that little incident in the library from the other day?” Melanie asks. 

Gerry pauses. “Are we not trying to forget that ever happened?”

“On the whole, yes,” Melanie says, wincing a little. “But the thing is, I just got a million subscribers on YouTube, and I was filming a special video for it, and I was just wondering if—”

“Nope,” Gerry says at once. “You’re not putting that in. I already told you, I’m in a band, I can’t have that kind of shit online. If we ever turn into an actual big thing, then—”

“I hear you,” Melanie says quickly. “Believe me, I get it. I have a huge YouTube channel, I know what a nightmare it can be to keep stuff private. But I wouldn’t put it in to make fun of you, I swear. See, the video is supposed to be, like…”

She goes over the concept with him, focusing on the fact that it’s not _his_ particular presence that makes the clip worth including, but the humor of the situation. “I’ll totally blur both of you out,” Melanie says. “And I’m going to fuck with the video so it only shows tiny snips of what actually happened. Half the stuff you said won’t end up in the final cut. Nothing about the band, nothing about you—people won’t even be able to tell that we know each other. I’m going to do the same for Jon and Martin.”

“Oh, are they in it, too?” Gerry says, surprised.

“If they’re okay with it, yeah. Daisy and Basira are, too, they helped me with it.”

There’s a muffled voice on the other end. “Hold on,” Gerry says reluctantly, and there’s a _clunk_ , like he’s put his hand over the receiver. Melanie waits patiently. 

A minute later, Gerry grudgingly says, “Okay. But only because Michael said it sounds funny.”

Melanie gives Georgie a big thumbs up. “Fantastic!” she says. “I can send you the video before I post it, if you want, so you have room to change your mind.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. Congrats on the million subs, by the way, that’s crazy.” 

Melanie grins. “Thanks, Gerry. Can you put Jon back on? I think it’ll be easier to convince him now that we’ve got a majority.”

***

_[Melanie King sits before the camera, wearing a black shirt and red eyeshadow that matches the dyed ends of her hair. She grins and salutes the camera.]_

MELANIE

Hey everyone! Welcome to Ghost Hunt UK. I’m your host, Melanie King, and I’ve got something very special planned for you all today. As many of you may know, I’ve been running this channel since I was a wee teen and barely knew how to use iMovie. It’s been a wild ride since then, but after a long, long time, I cannot believe I can actually say that I’ve hit one million subscribers!

_[The screen bursts with confetti and a cheering sound effect. Melanie is beaming.]_

MELANIE

Anyway, I wanted to do something a little different to say thank you, so today, we’re going to be going on a ghost hunt through my own university. I know I don’t often get personal on this channel, but there are a hell of a lot of you now, so I figured you deserved to see a little more of who I am when I’m not running all across the country. And to help with that, we’ve got a very special guest! He’s one of my best friends, and I’m sure you’ll love him, if you don’t already. 

_[With a pop, Tim appears beside her. He waves to the camera.]_

TIM

Hello!

MELANIE

This is my friend Tim! Some of you might also know him as “stoker.face,” or “that one guy from TikTok,” or—

TIM

Correction, that one _hot guy_ from TikTok.

MELANIE

See, this is why you’d never succeed on YouTube. You’re fine when you rely on your good looks and other people’s audio clips, but once you open up your mouth, it’s just like, aww, he’s a prick.

TIM

Ouch! Really going in for the kill there.

MELANIE

Oh, you know it’s true.

TIM

I’m sorry, I was under the impression that we were going to be hunting for ghosts, not roasting Tim for the public’s entertainment.

MELANIE

Maybe the real ghost was Tim’s online popularity.

TIM

Hey!

MELANIE

Okay, okay, fine. Do you want to tell them what we’re doing today, then?

TIM

 _[He throws up his fists.]_ We’re going to hunt for ghosts in the library! Wooo!

MELANIE

You got it! I’ll give you your rights back. You’re on thin fucking ice, though. Anyway. Ever since I started university, I’ve heard tales of the ghost that haunts the humanities library. Here’s a fun little tidbit about me—I _work_ in the humanities library, so this has always been a point of interest for me. But the thing is, I’ve never seen anything while I was working.

TIM

Me neither.

MELANIE

Tim also works there, for context.

TIM

That’s how we met. We actually fucking hated each other at first, but that—

MELANIE

 _That_ is a story for another day. Right now, I say we go to the library, stake the place out, and look for some spooks.

TIM

Yes ma’am!

_[They high five each other. The video feed cuts to the exterior of a large stone library. It’s nighttime, and most of the video is dark except for the patches illuminated by the lights from the building. Melanie stands on the front steps, shivering a little.]_

MELANIE

So, here we are. It’s about midnight on a Tuesday, so we’re hoping there won’t be too many people inside. And if there are…

TIM

 _[Spoken from behind the camera]_ We have no shame.

MELANIE

Didn’t get to a million subs by preserving my dignity.

_[They go inside. The camera follows Melanie as she walks through the lobby, past clusters of tables and chairs to the elevator. Above it are the numbers one through four. The four lights up red, then the three, then the two, marking its descent. When it comes to one, there’s a ding, and the doors slide open. Melanie makes an exaggerated face at the camera and goes inside.]_

_[Elevator music plays. The video cuts to Tim doing the Renegade dance as they go up. There’s another ding, and he heads out.]_

MELANIE

We’ll start on the first floor. 

_[They start to walk through the stacks, Melanie guiding the way. There are several lingering shots; her hand running across faded book covers, her head turning to look around a corner, her back as a small, distant silhouette between two bookshelves.]_

MELANIE

The ghost that haunts this place doesn’t have a name. People just call it the library ghost. There aren’t many records of who it might have been in life, but there are certain documented phenomena that pop up in this place that don’t make sense. Cold spots, whispered voices, pride flags appearing from nowhere…

TIM

Sorry, what was that? Did you say pride flags?

MELANIE

Oh, yeah. See, we don’t know much about this ghost, but we do know one thing for sure—it was _definitely_ queer.

TIM

 _[He snorts.]_ How do you know that?

MELANIE

 _[She shrugs, adopting a quiet, mysterious tone.]_ This library has always been a haven for queer people. Now, I know what you’re going to say—Melanie, all libraries have gay vibes, this isn’t anything special. But the thing is, when you come in here? It’s _amplified._ They say it’s the poltergeist messing with your mind. Apparently, it’s an old staff member from the university who did some really big-deal type sociology research, but nowadays everyone denies the rumours about their “personal life.” _[She shrugs.]_ Can’t say I blame them. I’d probably turn into a malevolent spirit too if my sexuality was erased.

TIM

Yeah, damn. Guess that’s one way of making sure it’s acknowledged.

MELANIE

I know, right? Kind of genius, actually. Just give everyone uncontrollable gay urges, even the straight people, and let them try to ignore _that._

TIM

Are you feeling the urges now?

MELANIE

I am. But I’m not really the right person to use as a tester.

TIM

If only one of us was straight.

MELANIE

 _[She shudders.]_ God, don’t say that. This video would be so boring. Come on, help me look around. 

_[The viewpoint flips; now Tim is the one on-screen. He walks for a few seconds before stopping short.]_

TIM

Woah, look at this. 

_[He holds up the meter in his hands. It indicates a sudden drop in temperature.]_

Look at that, a cold spot. You reckon it’s the ghost?

MELANIE

Could be. That’s pretty characteristic of… wait, do you hear something?

TIM

Like what?

MELANIE

Listen, listen.

_[The feed is silent except for the low rush of background audio.]_

Do you hear that?

TIM

No, I don’t hear anything. Are… are you okay?

MELANIE

Let’s get closer, I want to check this out.

_[Tim slowly makes his way down an aisle. As he walks, he looks back at the camera with wide eyes, slowing his pace. “I hear something,” he mouths. He turns back, and all at once, he freezes. He covers his mouth with one hand and backs up. The camera follows his gaze, and there’s a jumble of blurred motion.]_

UNKNOWN VOICE

Oh, shit!

_[Two figures jump apart, each with their faces blurred out. They’re both men, and they’ve clearly been kissing.]_

MELANIE

I am so fucking sorry.

UNKNOWN VOICE

Is that a fucking camera?

MELANIE

Sorry! Sorry, agh— 

_[There’s a rough, shaky cut as the camera snaps to a new view. A harried-looking Melanie is filming her own face as she power-walks down the aisle. Notably, there is now a lesbian flag pin attached to the lapel of her denim jacket. It was not there before. Tim lags just behind her, looking over his shoulder every few seconds.]_

Ladies and gentlethems, we’ve found our first victims. Oh my God, that was horrible.

TIM

I’m scarred for life.

MELANIE

We have to find this ghost. I-it’s filling the whole library with gay energy, it has to be stopped!

TIM

Wait, why would _you_ want to stop that?

MELANIE

 _[She pauses.]_ Okay, fair. But we should at least try to find more information before someone else gets—

TIM

Fuck, what was that? Oh, shit—Melanie, give me the camera, quick! 

_[There’s a blur of motion as the camera swivels to face a desk. Jon and Martin are sound asleep on top of it. The camera zooms in on Jon’s sleeping face, then pans over to Martin’s arm around him, lingering on the gentle curve of his hand around Jon’s shoulder.]_

MELANIE

Oh my God. 

_[The camera flips to face her. She looks horrified.]_

MELANIE

God, they’re everywhere! We have to run, it’s not safe anymore! 

_[She runs to the elevator. When the door slides open, it reveals two women.]_

TIM

Basira? Daisy?

MELANIE

 _[Gesturing to the two women]_ Er, these are my friends, Basira and Daisy, they’re—what are you guys doing here?

DAISY

We were just looking for a place to study…?

TIM

Oh.

MELANIE

What’s that look for?

TIM

Oh, I don’t know. Don’t you just think it’s a little suspicious that we run across our friends, who are _together,_ looking for a place to, quote-unquote, _study_ , right as we’re running from the ghost of the homosexual agenda?

_[Melanie stares blankly at the camera.]_

BASIRA

The ghost of the homosexual agenda?

DAISY

What are you talking about? _[She discreetly takes Basira’s hand.]_

TIM

There’s something wrong in this library.

BASIRA

Like what, a couple of weirdos filming YouTube videos?

DAISY

Heh. We won’t get in your way, it’s fine.

BASIRA

Now, if you’ll excuse us…

MELANIE

Yeah, sure. Stay safe out there.

_[Daisy leads Basira out of the elevator. As soon as they cross by the camera, she twirls Basira around and dips her into a kiss. Melanie yelps and scoots back.]_

TIM

Melanie, run!

_[They rush into the elevator and mash the button for the first floor. A creeping, high-pitched violin note begins to play in the background.]_

MELANIE

Do you think we’re safe now?

TIM

Not until we’re out.

_[The small screen indicating which floor they’re on ticks down to number one. With a ding, the doors open. Melanie gasps. The screen cuts to a frontal view of the figure standing just outside—they’re draped in a white sheet and utterly silent.]_

TIM

Shit! Melanie, run!

MELANIE

I… I can’t, I…

TIM

What? Melanie, the door’s right there, we have to go!

MELANIE

Something about this is just…

TIM

Come on!

_[Melanie slowly steps forward, entranced. She doesn’t run. She doesn’t escape. Instead, she reaches out and pulls the sheet from the figure’s head, revealing it to be Georgie.]_

GEORGIE

Hello.

MELANIE

Oh, hello. _[She pauses.]_ You’re awfully cute for a ghost.

GEORGIE

You flatterer! You’re not so bad yourself.

TIM

Melanie, no…

MELANIE

I don’t suppose you’d want to, erm… _[She twirls a strand of hair around her finger.]_ Well, there’s this cafe a few blocks down, I know it’s really late right now, but maybe if you’re free sometime…

GEORGIE

I’d love to. Could I get your number?

MELANIE

Yeah! Yeah, of course!

TIM

Okay, I’m getting out of here. Bye, Melanie.

MELANIE

 _[Still talking to Georgie]_ Do you have a phone? Do ghosts need phones? Sorry if that’s insensitive.

GEORGIE

No, don’t worry about it, I’ve got a phone.

MELANIE

Okay, cool. 

_[She steps forward and takes Georgie’s hand, drawing her in. They’re almost close enough to touch, but smiling too much to move in, until Georgie cups Melanie’s face in her hand and kisses her. Tim sighs audibly. He turns the camera on himself and starts to walk away, making it through the door.]_

TIM

So, Melanie succumbed to the poltergeist’s foul wiles. All is in ruin. Don’t know what’s going to happen to this channel—she’d just gotten a million subscribers, too. Awful shame. I bet she would have wanted me to say thank you, though. So, thank you, I guess, on her behalf. Let’s do our best to honor her memory.

_[Behind him, the library doors bang open. Melanie hollers to him from the front step:]_

MELANIE

Hey, Tim!

TIM

 _[Yelling back]_ What?

MELANIE

Happy Pride!

TIM

Happy fucking Pride, and long live the gay ghosts!

_[They laugh, and the screen fades to black. After a moment, white text flashes across it, reading “no gays were harmed in the making of this video.”_

_“thanks for a million subs. no idea why you people watch this stuff but i’m genuinely so grateful. this channel has been a big part of my life for a long time and it means the world to have so many of you behind me. i never dreamed i would make it this far.”_

_“that being said if anyone calls me homophobic for making this i will actually scream.”_

_“also in case u didn’t recognize ms. library ghost, she’s my gf! stream what the ghost on spotify, podbay, stitcher, or your fave podcast app.”_

_“that’s all i have to say for now i think. smash that mf like & subscribe”_

_“oh yeah one more thing”_

_“i love you!”_

_“xoxo melanie”]_

***

Melanie clicks the video off. “So,” she says, trying not to let her anxiety show, “What did you think?”

Tim claps her on the back. “That was brilliant,” he says, grinning. “Loved it.”

“It was perfect,” Basira adds. 

“I liked the part with me in it best,” says Daisy. 

“I’m honestly really surprised Jon let you put that clip of us in,” Martin says with a laugh. “He’s so neurotic about having his face put online. It was good, though. I think he’ll approve.”

“Do you think he’ll actually watch it?” Basira asks skeptically.

“Usually I’d say no,” Martin admits. “I think he’d be too self-conscious—but if it’s for Melanie, sure, I think he will.”

“Aww,” says Tim.

Melanie rubs Georgie’s shoulder. “And you?” she says tentatively. “What’d you think, babe?” 

Georgie hasn’t said anything yet. It’s not like her—normally she’d be cheering for Melanie by now. She looks up at Melanie, and her eyes are full of tears. 

“Ah!” says Melanie. “Georgie, what’s—”

“I’m so fucking proud of you!” Georgie wails, and throws her arms around Melanie. Melanie huffs with surprise, but wraps her arms around Georgie, relaxing into her embrace. 

“Aww,” says Tim. 

“That ending was so sweet,” Georgie says tearfully. “You even promo’d me in it, oh, you—”

“Georgie, calm down,” Melanie laughs. “This whole thing was your idea anyway!”

Georgie squeezes her tight. “But it’s _your_ channel,” she says fiercely. “You did _all_ that work. From one to a million, you did it, and you should be proud.”

Melanie blinks rapidly. “Oh, come on,” she says, her voice wobblier than she’d like. “Come on, Georgie, don’t be like that, you’ll—”

“I’m so lucky to have you as my girlfriend,” says Georgie, and that’s it. Melanie bursts into tears, hiding her face in Georgie’s neck. God, what has she done to deserve this? Fuck the channel, fuck the one million subscribers. How did she end up with _this_?

She sobs into Georgie’s shoulder for a minute, unable to form thoughts beyond the waves of gratitude and disbelief. Once her shuddering breaths have resolved into something more resembling normalcy, she says, “Put the fucking phone away, Tim,” without looking up. 

“What?” Tim protests. “I wasn’t doing anything!”

“He was,” Basira confirms. 

“Traitor,” says Tim. Melanie pulls away from Georgie, wiping her face.

“All right,” she says. “Now we can forget that ever happened, yeah? You saw nothing.”

“Did something happen?” Martin says innocently. “Sorry, I must have missed it.” Melanie grins. 

“Shall I hit post on this bad boy, then?” she asks. 

“Yes!” everyone says in unison, Martin adding a belated little “Of course!” to the end. 

Melanie reaches over to her laptop, her finger hovering over the upload button. 

“You’ve got this,” Georgie whispers, giving her other hand a squeeze. 

Melanie hits the button.

**Author's Note:**

> stay tuned for more, and follow me on [tumblr](spiralsandeyes.tumblr.com) if u so desire!


End file.
